Archive for October, 2009
Better Food
Saturday, October 31st, 2009 | daily | 3 Comments
Back in late summer, restaurant critic Leslie Kelly took me and my mom to lunch at Steelhead Diner in Pike Place Market. The chef is from my native Louisiana and had received a small shipment of shrimp from back home, which he was sharing only sparingly. I was thinking about those plump, sweet crustaceans yesterday when I spent hours in persistent search of Wild American Shrimp from my supplier. It started innocently enough, “do you carry any non-Asian product?” And not because I’m anti-Asian in particular or a bigot in general, but because, well, those cheap Vietnamese shrimp you see at Costco…they are cheap for a reason. And we could all just say NO! and demand better food overall, but then, as John pointed out when he called to tell me he could source some from Alabama, “It will cost you.” I know I can be an exasperating and demanding customer, but when I later received a defensive email from their seafood buyer, I realized just how much of a pain in the ass I am. “I’m having a hard time following this,” I wrote to John in response, “but I think he’s telling me to shut the hell up.”
Clean Police
Thursday, October 29th, 2009 | daily | 5 Comments
Mitch stopped by to offer help this afternoon. “Or,” he added, ”I could just sit on my ass watching TV while you work.” This was better than actually getting some help, so I declined the offer, but he still hung around to ask me how the health inspection went this morning. I live in a permanent state of expecting the clean police, not just because I’m slightly obsessive-compulsive myself, but because it amuses me to watch Mr. Steve get agitated when he fails to find raw chicken swimming with the deli meats or chili being held at 100′F. He never finds anything like that, so he does things like lecture me on making sure the guys wash their hands or tells me the mouse traps are pointed the wrong way. But I really scored today when I took him to the basement storage room and he thought he’d hit pay dirt: “Well, what do we have here!!!” as he pointed his flashlight at the suspect only to reveal…some lavender I was hanging to dry. If only he knew that in a few weeks when it gets to 50′F down there, the duck breasts are getting hung up for the great proscuitto experiment.
Fresh Meat
Wednesday, October 28th, 2009 | daily | No Comments
“So, I was wondering what you’re doing tonight?” Devin asked slyly after he shared that his date had cancelled out on the Halloween dance. “Having dinner with my husband!” I howled, enjoying the flattery, but aware that this was perhaps a set-up. “Well, what about after dinner?” Now, I am not a cougar, but if I were, Devin is way too nice, polite, and agreeable to be my type. And I’m not sure who put him up to this because he’s not even a freshman. If he were, I’d have suspected Badley, who’s taken to harassing the pledges by sending them into the kitchen as surrogates to relay his own specific, narrow requests. To the point that I finally stopped one of them mid-babble to say “go tell your Fearless Leader to F*** Off.” I was in the middle of telling Badley and Zach about Devin’s cute proposal when Daniel, interupting a cell conversation with his dad, relayed the information that there were 30 pounds of elk for the taking. “I never say no to fresh, wild meat,” was my answer. “Me neither!” Zach piped in. But I’m not sure he was referring to the wine-braised stew I’d instantly conjured for a dreary winter night.
Parent Readers
Saturday, October 24th, 2009 | daily | 5 Comments
I was in today at 6AM preparing a Father-Son brunch for Homecoming. “It’s so nice to see you here on a Saturday!” Ian exclaimed. “Nice for YOU!” I shot back. I regretted it immediately and wished that I could learn to zip it once in a while. Bryce’s dad, whom I had never met, stopped by the kitchen to tell me he enjoys the blog, which surprised me because Bryce never talks to me. Well, there was this one time when he told me he’d be happy to sweep up a dead mouse. Disturbingly happy, something about his childhood as I recall. All I know about his dad is that he must be thick-skinned enough to find enjoyment reading my trash-talk about the guys. It does surprise me how diverse my readers are; you would never invite all these people to the same cocktail party. It’s especially anxiety-provoking for me to learn that a parent is reading and some are so thoroughly respectable that I can’t help wishing the earth beneath my feet would part and suck me in when they smile and tell me, “loved that birthday sex post!”
So Dirt
Friday, October 23rd, 2009 | daily | No Comments
Joey brought me some of the spicy cherry peppers his family cans every year and, contrary to my reputation, I don’t have anything flip, sarcastic or vulgar to say about this. In fact I was touched. The jar was accompanied by a card listing the ingredients: “cherry peppers, tomatoes, onions, extra virgin olive oil, fresh garlic, fresh sweet basil, sea salt.” By contrast, John came by today with some hors d’oeuvres he wanted to sell me on, and as soon as he pulled out the large square box of samples, I couldn’t help myself; ”I feel like I’m at one of those chain restaurants where they come by with the tray of ’homemade’ desserts for you to choose from.” He wasn’t feeling well and he wasn’t in the mood for my shit, so instead of continuing down this path of deflating ridicule, I just pulled up the list of ingredients and after about the tenth unrecognizable item, he got my point. No sale. When I got home, I had a text from Badley: ”So I’m at Alpha Alpha and their dinner is: canned chili with melted cheese on top, cornbread and rice crispies. So Dirt.”
Food Bribes
Wednesday, October 21st, 2009 | daily | 2 Comments
“Would you care for a bacon-peanut butter cookie?” I asked the electrician like the proper Southern hostess I am. And you’d have thought I’d offered him a canape of roasted human baby heart. I pouted when he declined, and wrote him off as a food loser. Rod came by later for the sole purpose of trying one and offered the opinion that they were “strangely good.” Which I don’t think you would say about human baby heart. Even if it were. The guys loved them, and if you want the recipe, go to the website for Snake River Farms www.snakeriverfarms.com the source of some of the natural meats that US Foodservice is carrying and I am buying because, for example, their ground beef doesn’t have weird looking stuff in it and makes fantastic meatballs. It’s just nice to eat ground beef that doesn’t conjure images of cow feces and e-coli. 
Dinner included skirt steak with a Korean-style marinade. The original recipe called for squeezing Asian pears to extract their juice, and while I love the idea of that, it struck me as something akin to peeling the black coating off of peppercorns or gathering pine cones to harvest the pine nuts. I went for the case of fresh oranges instead and found the combination of sesame oil, soy, garlic and orange juice to be almost as intoxicating as the blood orange vodka I’m steeping in the basement to bribe the health inspector with.
Better Things
Monday, October 19th, 2009 | daily | No Comments
It’s not the best picture, but I had to work quickly to capture Badley halfway through a whole plate of hors d’oeuvres I’d placed in the dining room for everyone to share. I caught him racing through my kitchen with the plate and I asked him what the hell he thought he was doing and he told me it was for everyone in the TV room. Everyone meaning the only one who matters. It’s hard to tell here, but he’s clearly enjoying the crackers topped with cambazola, roasted figs and bacon, a variation of the very same fig appetizer that he had turned his nose up at a few days ago. Pledge Charlie had called those “little orbs of ecstasy,” a description that thrilled me to the core when I heard it. “Great Birthday Sex Tonight!” I exclaimed to the TV room crowd as I locked up on my way to dinner at Crow with my husband (the birthday boy). “Did she really say that?” one of the freshmen asked, having missed the history of my text to Nate a couple of years ago when he’d asked me to come hang out at the house on the 31st. Sorry, I’d told him, but I had better things to do on Halloween.
All Sunshine
Thursday, October 15th, 2009 | daily | No Comments
Zach is trying out a new hairstyle and I don’t know why, he’s not ready for his midlife crisis. I looked up synonyms for mullet and found “associated with working class, or even bad taste.” But, not to be outdone, my husband tapped on his laptop at the same time until he found enough material to have us both in tears. “Achy breaky bad mistaky”…”hockey hair,” and, my personal favorite, “yep-nope.” I don’t pretend to understand the mytery man Zach, but he’s always been sort of one of my pets, and today especially so, because while some were oblivious to the stress I was under on this day (formal dinner for a special guest), Zach actually offered to go out of his way to help me out in a major way. I’ve been reading the book Rod gave me on positve attitude and found that, when people complain, I’m supposed to say, “Thank you for pointing that out. Now that I know, I’ll try to make it right.” I tried it a few times and it was great, really disarming. But I guess you’re not supposed to use exactly the same words every single time, because when you have a serial complainer (as we do here, who doesn’t?) it becomes obvious to the Perpetually Unhappy Person that you’re just taking the piss. But no such problems with Zach who is just all sunshine all the time.
Fig Virgins
Wednesday, October 14th, 2009 | daily | 1 Comment
The first thing Badley said to me when I told him I needed a picture of him eating a fig was “how does my hair look?” Like that is in any way relevant. He’d never eaten a fig before other than “the shriveled ones” and so I told him to just imagine it hot, stuffed with cambozola and wrapped in bacon. But he seemed to have a hard time on that score, because the picture just after this, well, you’d think I’d given him a dirty diaper to suck on. Badley and his peculiar tastes. Here’s a guy who begs me to cook mussels and duck breast, who loves olive salad and capers, but gags on raw red onion. Some are picky in predictable ways, but Badley is just plain indecipherable. He rivals by my sales guy John, who spent his whole day running around on my behalf, showing up late afternoon, his arms loaded with figs and blood oranges, only to have me show my appreciation by bellowing, ”What??? You’ve never tasted a fig? Or a blood orange?” And, where Badley can be his true self, when I made John open wide, he had to swallow and be the consumate salesman.
Like Paris
Sunday, October 11th, 2009 | daily | No Comments
I’m counting on the fact that the King County health inspectors are too busy checking for perfectly clean bare hands and delicious unpasteurized cheeses to read my blog and find out that I am making creme fraiche for the guys. (Just wait until they discover the duck breasts hanging in the basement turning into proscuitto.) I was at Metropolitan Market in Upper Queen Anne on Saturday buying the non-ultrapastuerized heavy cream for this when the check-out lady asked me what I was doing with it. And when I told her that I was making creme fraiche for a fraternity, it was like the entire store just froze and everyone looked at me. The cashier took out a pen and started scribbling, the woman behind me pressed me on the details. I suddenly felt that I was on stage as I told them how beautifully, brainlessly easy this is: 1 Tablespoon of buttermilk to 1 cup of NOT ULTRA-PASTUERIZED heavy cream. You heat the cream to 80′, you add the buttermilk, you put it in a jar and leave it slightly uncovered for 8-24 hours at room temp until it thickens and then you refrigerate it for a day. And it is the most luscious thing, that, when combined with sliced potatoes and gruyere cheese, makes the easiest gratin ever. Or you can serve it over sweetened berries and feel like you’re in Paris.
Shiny, Happy People
Friday, October 9th, 2009 | daily | 2 Comments
Rod stopped by today to loan me this book, and not because he was trying to tell me something, but because my husband requested it. Personally, I would way rather read the Little Book of NO! Attitude. He actually forgot to give it to me at the House, what with savoring a piece of pear almond tart, tasting my chorizo, and grilling Brian about his love life, so I had to meet him at an interstate exit to get it, which had the feeling of a drug deal, trafficking in premium good attitude…(not that I know anything about drug deals or good attitudes!) During his visit, he was able to enlighten me on who buys pre-cooked salmon and, not that he spilled any specific customer names, but let’s just say I won’t be eating fish sandwiches at any Seattle bar that charges under $8 for a martini (like I’d ever be caught in a bar like that anyway). I did flip through the happy book, but I don’t think I can take much of it. It’s bad enough that last night, when my husband asked how my day went, I had to break the news: Pledge Mitch seems to think I work too many hours. How am I supposed to blog about that?
The Good from the Bad
Monday, October 5th, 2009 | daily | 2 Comments
My sales guy John told me today that when he’s feeling too good about himself, he just calls me to smack him down. I repeated this to some of the guys, “can you believe he said that?” and they just looked at their feet. But some context is needed here: John asked if he could bring a broker to see me tomorrow, a broker who, amongst other delights, wants to sell me pre-cooked salmon. And, shocker, I said I’d never buy that. Never. I mean, who in the hell would in Seattle? You take a fresh, local product that requires 8 minutes to cook from raw and you’re going to buy it cooked so you can spend 20 minutes re-heating (incinerating) it. But, lest everyone think I can never be satisfied, I learned today that US Foodservice is carrying meat from Creekstone Farms, a supplier that takes the humane slaughter of animals seriously. It was a surprising and happy discovery which came to me as I was unwrapping the stip loins to cut into steak this morning for tonight’s Chapter Dinner and saw the label. So it was good that I was in such a contented mood as I watched Jake throw away the chanterelle and lobster mushrooms he’d dished onto his plate without a clue what they were. “What is that?” he asked as he tossed them. “Jesus, Jake, maybe tomorrow I can put a bowl of caviar out for you.” It’s a constant struggle, this trying to educate on the good from the bad.
The Hotness
Thursday, October 1st, 2009 | daily | No Comments
This is Brian severely in my way tonight making dinner for Stephanie. My fresh wild halibut with coconut green curry was not special enough for this occasion and so he brought his own stuff. He wasn’t exactly begging for my tips and advice, but it’s hard to bite your tongue when someone is just not doing it right. And granted, Stephanie is so besotted with Brian that she wouldn’t notice the tips on the green beans, but when someone is boiling potatoes without salt and searing fish without any oil…I mean, it just makes you crazy. Still, he did manage to turn out two extraordinarily pretty plates of food. 
Earlier, Sal had stopped in to tell me about his previous night, but while I snapped photos of him, I wasn’t really listening because Sal’s night before stories always go like this, “blah, blah, blah…She thought I was HOT.” And it’s not mean of me to say so because he would concur: it’s all about the hotness.
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